We often assume that a conversation ends when the talking stops. For some people, a sentence may be forgotten almost as soon as it is spoken. But for others, it may not be that simple.
A comment about someone’s social status or a joke about their physical appearance, race or skin colour may last only a few seconds. The person who says it may quickly forget it, never realising that the other person may remember those words for years to come.
The situation becomes more complicated because we do not always know what is going on inside another person. We do not know whether someone is doing well or struggling with pressures they have never told anyone about. Because of this, a remark that seems harmless to us may be received very differently by someone else.
Research on bullying offers an important insight. A meta-analysis of multiple studies found an association between involvement in bullying and suicidal thoughts as well as suicidal behaviour among children and adolescents.1
Other research has also found an association between childhood maltreatment, including emotional abuse, and various forms of suicidal behaviour.2 More recent findings have also shown a strong association between psychological abuse during childhood and suicidal ideation.3
These findings do not mean that a particular remark will automatically cause someone to want to end their life. However, they do show that painful social experiences do not necessarily end when the event itself is over.
Suicide prevention day
Every 10 September, the world observes World Suicide Prevention Day. For the 2024-2026 period, the World Health Organization (WHO) and the International Association for Suicide Prevention have adopted the theme “Changing the Narrative on Suicide”, with an emphasis on open conversations, reducing stigma and supporting people experiencing a crisis.4
Suicide prevention is not only the responsibility of hospitals, psychologists, psychiatrists or health institutions. This is where our words have a role to play. We may not be able to know all the struggles someone is going through. But we can choose not to add to their burden.
We can choose not to humiliate someone in front of others. We can choose not to turn another person’s weakness into a joke. We can also train ourselves to be mindful of our words and actions, so that we do not make others feel worthless.
In a healthy conversation, both sides can laugh without losing their dignity. In an insult disguised as a joke, only one person enjoys the humour, while the other bears the pain and is expected to laugh along.
Often, we defend ourselves by saying, “I was only joking.” That may explain the speaker’s intention, but it does not necessarily explain the impact on the listener. We cannot use intention as a reason to ignore that impact, because good intentions do not always erase the hurt caused by our actions.
Advising with kindness
The same applies to the way we speak when giving advice. Someone may be right about the substance of their advice, but the way they deliver it may make that advice difficult to accept. In our relationships with others, truth delivered without wisdom can lose its power to bring about positive change.
A person who is conscious of their responsibilities as a human being and as a Muslim should not only ask, “Am I allowed to say this?” They should also think, “How can I say this in a way that helps the other person, rather than embarrassing them or making them feel worse?”
The Holy Prophet Muhammad (sa) gave us a simple principle with a profound meaning: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak good or remain silent.”5
The command to speak good or remain silent does not mean that Islam teaches people to remain silent at all times. Islam teaches us to speak the truth, including when giving advice. What needs to be developed, however, is an awareness that the ability to speak always comes with a responsibility for what we say.
Islam does not only prohibit words that are clearly harmful. The Holy Quran also places importance on protecting the dignity of others. In Surah al-Hujurat (Ch.49: V.12), Muslims are forbidden from ridiculing one another, finding fault with one another or calling one another by offensive nicknames. This prohibition shows that protecting human dignity is not a trivial matter in social life.
Perhaps from now on, we need to change the way we think about “jokes”. Laughter and humour are part of human life. The Holy Prophet Muhammad (sa) was also known to joke.6 However, even humour has its limits: another person’s weaknesses should never become a source of entertainment.
The role of tarbiyat
This discussion may seem rather simple. Perhaps everyone understands how uncomfortable it feels to be belittled. Yet there are still times when people do not realise that a conversation is beginning to cross the line into hurtful joking.
When a teacher speaks to a student, a parent speaks to a child or a leader speaks before the people, each sentence can have a different impact because of the different positions of the speaker and the listener.
Moreover, the media can also amplify the problem. A comment that was once heard by only a few people can now be recorded, shared, quoted and watched again by thousands.
This means that language is not merely a matter of politeness. It can become part of a person’s social environment.
This is where tarbiyat has an important role to play. Children need to learn how to treat others with respect, both through their actions and through their words. They need to understand that being knowledgeable is not a reason to humiliate those who know less. Freedom of speech is not a reason to disregard the dignity of others.
Education about the responsible use of speech should begin long before a child has a social media account and starts meeting more people outside the home. Children should be encouraged to ask themselves before they speak: Is this true? Is it necessary? Will it help? Is there a better way to say it?
These simple questions may sound rather ordinary. Yet, human social life is built from many simple things. A single sentence can give someone courage. On the other hand, a single sentence can also become part of a wound they carry for the rest of their life.
“He utters not a word but there is by him a guardian angel ready to record it.” (Surah Qaf, Ch.50: V.19)
Endnotes
1. Holt, M K, Vivolo-Kantor, K A, Polanin, J R, Holland, K M, DeGue, S, Matjasko, J L, Wolfe, M and Reid, G, “Bullying and suicidal ideation and behaviors: A meta-analysis”, Pediatrics, Vol.135, No.2, 2015, pp.e496–e509, https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2014-1864
2. Angelakis, I, Austin, J L and Gooding, P, “Association of childhood maltreatment with suicide behaviors among young people: A systematic review and meta-analysis”, JAMA Network Open, Vol.3, No.8, 2020, e2012563, https://doi.org/10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2020.12563
3. Deng, Y, Li, Y, Zhang, Y, Liu, Y and Wen, J, “The relationship between childhood psychological abuse and college students’ suicidal ideation: A three-level meta-analysis”, Acta Psychologica, Vol.267, 2026, 107130, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.actpsy.2026.107130
4. World Health Organization, “World Suicide Prevention Day 2026”, 2026, https://www.who.int/campaigns/world-suicide-prevention-day/2026
5. Sahih al-Bukhari, Kitab al-adab, Hadith 6018.
6. “Eloquent humour: A less mentioned quality of the Holy Prophet”, Al Hakam, 15 February 2019, https://www.alhakam.org/eloquent-humour-a-less-mentioned-quality-of-the-holy-prophet/