Abdul Hadi Masood, Missionary, Norway
Allah the Almighty has blessed us with a leadership that carries wisdom beyond human understanding. This wisdom offers perfect guidance in accordance with Islamic principles and the needs of the age. It is neither bound by culture nor by temporary trends. In this article, we will look at examples that show how this unique guidance brings clarity and direction to our lives.
Upbringing of children
A lady asked Hazrat Khalifatul Masih Vaa for advice regarding her children. She explained that she encouraged her children to only play with Muslim children. Before she could elaborate, Huzooraa immediately pointed out that she should encourage them to play with all children instead, since one can never be sure whether all Muslim children always follow Islamic principles.
The mother then explained that that’s exactly what has happened, that when she asks her children now to offer Salat, they often respond that other Muslim children are still playing. Remarkably, Huzooraa had immediately foreseen this issue before she even mentioned it.
The very first instruction Huzooraa gave was that we must instil in our children’s minds that they are Ahmadi Muslims. Huzooraa has repeated this guidance many times. In psychology and behavioural science, this is known as identity-based habit formation. The idea is that our habits are shaped by the identity we hold in our minds.
For example, it is harder for a smoker to think, “I have stopped smoking,” as this still connects to the old identity. But if they say, “I am not a smoker,” their actions naturally follow that new identity. In the same way, when children are raised with a strong sense of being Ahmadi Muslims, their behaviour is more likely to reflect that identity.
Huzooraa further explained that young children can often be careless or even tease others. For example, if they tell their friends that they are going to pray, their playmates might make fun of them out of ignorance. Because of this, he emphasised that parents should make their children confident and teach them not to worry about such reactions or feel embarrassed.
He then went into detail about how parents should raise their children. He said:
“So, spend some time at home with your children, even half an hour, and focus on their moral upbringing while also creating a friendly environment, so that they listen to what you say and implement it as well. All of this depends on the relationship you have with your children. If you only give them something to eat and then tell them to go to bed, or you only scold them, or sit with them for a very short time, this will not benefit them.
“When you sit with them, it is the parents’ duty to have a friendly conversation – ask what they did at school, what they learned, how the atmosphere was, who they played with and what they played. Take part in their activities, encourage them in the good things they do, and appreciate them. In this way, they will develop a friendship with you, they will tell you everything, and they will also listen to you.”
We see that some parents are too strict, while others let their children do whatever they want. Huzoor’saa guidance represents a perfect balance, and this also reflects modern psychological research. For example, in the book Atomic Habits, it is noted that “motivation is overrated; environment often matters more,” meaning that our surroundings strongly shape our behaviour.
In the same way, Huzooraa often reminds parents to build a friendly and supportive home environment, so that good habits naturally develop in children without force.
Resolving family conflicts
بدتر بنو ہر ایک سے اپنے خیال میں
شاید اسی سے دخل ہو دارالوصال میں
“Think of yourself as inferior to everyone else; Perchance, thereby, you may enter the Place of Union.” (Barahin-e-Ahmadiyya Part V [2018], p. 26)
Often, when we read this couplet written by the Promised Messiahas, we think it only refers to developing our spirituality. But when a Khadim from the USA asked Huzooraa about how one can resolve family conflicts, Huzooraa answered by quoting this couplet and explained that since many conflicts within families are often small and trivial, we should meet such situations with humility. By practising gentleness and putting aside pride, even minor disagreements can be resolved.
This advice is especially valuable, since many conflicts in reality stem from ego and a lack of humility. In social psychology, many conflicts are explained through something called “ego threat.” This is when people react defensively because they feel their self-image or status is challenged. Even small disagreements can then escalate.
By practising humility, a person reduces the role of the ego, which lowers defensiveness and makes resolution easier.
Following parents’ wishes about future careers
Many parents have their own desires for how they want to see their children develop, and they therefore try to control both what their children do and what profession they choose. Sometimes parents can be so strict that they expect their children to always obey without question.
A Khadim asked Huzooraa whether one should follow their parents’ wishes regarding career choice, or whether one can choose for themselves. Huzooraa replied:
“I believe one should decide for oneself. This does not mean that if your parents tell you to be a decent person, but you insist on becoming a bad person, then that is not acceptable. But if your parents want you to become a doctor, while you yourself want to be a lawyer, engineer, economist, or another profession you are more interested in and feel more inclined towards, then you should follow what you are interested in.
“Whenever anyone asks me which career they should choose out of their available options, I say that they should choose the one they are most interested in. One cannot force anyone into this.”
Meeting spouses alone after nikah but before rukhsati
A Lajna member from Canada asked Huzooraa about the significance of rukhsati and whether it was permissible to meet one’s spouse after nikah but before rukhsati. Huzooraa answered:
“What you have said is correct. You are absolutely right that Islam instructs us to perform nikah. Rukhsati [when the bride formally leaves her home to move into the groom’s home] is a traditional ceremony. Once nikah has been performed, you are free as husband and wife.
“From an Islamic perspective, you are married. At that point, whether a rukhsati ceremony is held or, after nikah in the mosque, the husband takes his wife’s hand and brings her home, the parents have no right to stop him. What you said is correct.
“Because of our traditions, and especially because of the influence of Indian, Hindu, or other cultural customs in India and Pakistan, people hold on to the Rukhsati ceremony. But in reality, nikah is the actual requirement. And it is better not to spend [excessively] on wedding functions.”
Huzoor-e-Anwaraa further explained the different cultural ceremonies and how they often lead families to spend excessively. He also shared examples from the time of the Holy Prophet Muhammadsa to illustrate the Islamic approach to marriage and simplicity.
Huzooraa not only clearly distinguished between cultural ceremonies and Islamic teachings but also explained the wisdom of the Islamic perspective in a logical and practical way.
Strengthening our relationship with Khilafat
While worldly leaders often try to impress their followers with knowledge and wisdom, time and again we see that the leadership of Huzooraa is unique. One never gets the impression that Huzooraa is concerned with impressing people. Instead, he emphasises more than anyone else the importance of prayer and having a strong connection with Allah.
Once, an Arab Ahmadi asked how he could strengthen his relationship with Khilafat. Before saying anything else, Huzooraa simply replied: “Pray.”
This example shows how unique and spiritual Khilafat is. While other leaders are preoccupied with their own popularity and how they are perceived by people, we see that Huzooraa is solely concerned with guiding us closer to Allah.
Role of in-laws in a marriage
A Lajna member from Denmark asked Huzooraa for his guidance on the responsibilities of a daughter-in-law and whether she is obligated to serve her in-laws. Huzooraa answered:
“Last Friday, when someone raised this issue, I explained that when parents marry off their children, they should not interfere, but act with wisdom. Allah the Almighty has commanded you to respect, serve, and not even say ‘uff’ to your parents. But He has not commanded that if the parents treat the couple harshly, then the husband should also be harsh towards his wife instead of speaking to his parents about it.
The way forward is first and foremost to pray to Allah the Almighty before getting married. You should also ask your parents to pray. Both the boy and the girl should pray themselves, and if they marry, the parents should not interfere and force the marriage to break. The first step is prayer. You should also perform istikhara and seek what is best for you from Allah the Almighty.”
This advice shows how strong and independent of culture Huzoor’s guidance is. If people truly followed this, many marriages could be saved.
Advice for married couples
In Western culture, children are often taught from a young age that they have full freedom to choose their partner, and this often creates expectations that lead to many problems in these societies. During a Waqf-e-Nau Lajna class, a member asked what should be done about the expectations that spouses have of each other. Huzooraa replied:
“If both have expectations of each other, then both are crazy. You should not look for an ideal. You must understand the reality of this world: no human being is perfect. Women have weaknesses, and men also have weaknesses. So when couples come to me after marriage and ask for advice, I say to them: ‘Be mindful of your eyes, tongue, and ears by overlooking the faults you hear, see, or find in one another. In this way, many problems between you will disappear.’”
Guidance regarding despair and depression
A Khadim from Australia asked what one should do in situations where one fails and feels depressed. This subject is very relevant, especially because we see two extreme approaches in different cultures.
Some cultures promote an attitude where depression has almost become a normalised part of everyday life, with more and more people reporting that they are depressed. While this reduces stigma, it can also unintentionally amplify depressive symptoms. Psychologists explain this through social contagion and self-fulfilling prophecy: when people frequently hear that feeling depressed is “normal,” they may start interpreting ordinary stress or low mood as a serious problem, reinforcing negative thought patterns and making symptoms worse.
On the other hand, some cultures completely dismiss mental health issues, denying the existence of depression or treating it as a weakness. This approach can be equally harmful. Ignoring depression often prevents people from seeking help, which can worsen symptoms over time.
Huzooraa gave a balanced answer, in line with Islamic principles and the need of the time. He said:
“It is natural to feel disappointment, and one can even be psychologically affected by it. But to become so desperate in such a state that you give up everything, sit at home, lock yourself in your room, and fall into depression – that is not right. At such a time, one should show courage, have a willpower, and pray to Allah the Almighty.
“If someone has reached a critical state of depression, then they should go to a doctor and get treatment, because then it can develop into an illness. At that point, it should be treated as a disease, and one should take medication to recover from the state of depression. Otherwise, one should fall in prostration before Allah the Almighty, invoke Him, remember Him, and strive to get through that phase.”
Members who do not make a promise to tehrikat but still contribute actively
A Lajna member asked Huzooraa what should be done about members who do not make promises to tehrikat like Tehrik-e-Jadid or Waqf-e-Jadid, but still actively contribute. Huzooraa replied:
“Lajna members already contribute one-third of the Jamaat’s total contribution, and that is enough. You cannot force them. You should not overburden them. This is okay – I am happy with this. The only thing [that is important] is that every member should participate in this scheme. But those who are already participating should not be forced to give more. You can only see their capacity, their capability, their potential, and resources, and then you may ask them.”
When the Lajna member emphasised her question by saying that some do not make promises, Huzooraa responded:
“If they do not make promises, then that is fine. Sometimes people do not write down promises because then they are bound by them. But if they contribute a substantial amount, then it is okay.”
This guidance once again demonstrates how Huzooraa combines principle with wisdom and gentleness. He reminds us that contributions should come from the heart, not through compulsion. He further emphasised to the Lajna member who asked the question that the focus should be on the Nasirat, the young girls.
This highlights that Huzooraa is less concerned with the amount of money collected and more focused on the spiritual training of both the Nasirat and Lajna. Naturally, the Nasirat would not be expected to contribute large sums, but the key is nurturing their sense of responsibility and devotion from an early age.
Khuddam discussing marriage with their parents
A Khadim asked this question during the virtual Mulaqat with members of Khuddamul Ahmadiyya and students from Canada held on 3 October 2021. He explained that some Khuddam feel ready for marriage, but their parents discourage them.
When I first heard this question, I thought Huzooraa would encourage him to get married immediately, since it has been a long-standing custom, and many problems arise when children do not marry young.
However, Huzooraa immediately asked the Khadim how old he was. When he replied that he was 18, Huzooraa gave guidance that shows how carefully he considers every individual situation. Huzooraa said:
“If you are an irresponsible boy and your behaviour shows irresponsibility, which your parents can clearly observe, then obviously they will say that you are not ready to take on such a big responsibility. But if you show responsible behaviour, they will not say this.
“The key point is: who would be ready to marry you? Obviously, the girl would want a husband who is working, earning money, and able to manage household affairs. If you are ready to do this without relying on your parents, then my advice is that you should get married now. In the olden days, boys got married young because they could earn their own money and manage their households independently.
“But if your resources are limited, you are still studying, and you rely on your parents even for pocket money, then it is not practical. After marriage, your wife may also need support, and you might end up asking your parents for more money.
“So, if you are studying or financially dependent, wait until you complete your studies and find a job. Then, you should get married as early as possible.” Huzooraa also mentioned that in special cases, a Khadim can write to him for guidance.
This guidance highlights several points:
1. Huzooraa understands the perspective of both the parents and the young person.
2. Readiness for marriage depends on responsibility, maturity, and financial independence.
3. Marriage should not be delayed unnecessarily once a person is ready.
4. Special cases can be discussed directly with him.
5. The circumstances are no longer what they were in the past.
Conclusion
Of course, there are many other examples like these that we see all the time, but these few have been compiled to give us a glimpse of the blessings of Khilafat. We can clearly see that, despite having lived most of his life in Pakistan, Huzoor’saa guidance is not influenced by modern culture or trends that lead people away from religious values.
This wisdom, illuminated by God, is perfectly balanced and suited to the needs of the time. While we observe that elders are often bound by cultures and traditions, and youngsters are easily influenced by contemporary trends, Khilafat guides us through every phase of life, teaching Islamic principles and how to apply them in today’s world.
Moreover, it is clear from these examples that Khilafat is unlike worldly leadership, which often pursues its own interests. Khilafat always focuses on prayer and humility, drawing us closer to Allah.
