Tashif Mahmood Ghumman, Canada
In the journey of youth, emotions can be intense, and one of the most profound experiences is the attraction and deep affection that often develops between young people.
However, in a world where relationships are portrayed as crucial to personal happiness and identity, the question arises: How can young people pursue romantic feelings while maintaining a strong connection with their faith and mental well-being?
Islam offers a clear and balanced approach to this question, helping young people navigate these emotions in a way that respects their dignity, aligns with divine guidance and safeguards their mental health.
The Islamic view on affection and attraction
Islam recognises the human inclination toward companionship and affection. Allah the Almighty states in the Holy Quran:
“Beautified for men is the love of desired things – women and children, and stored-up heaps of gold and silver, and pastured horses and cattle and crops. That is the provision of the present life; but it is Allah with Whom is an excellent home.” (Surah Al-e-Imran, Ch.3: V.15)
This verse acknowledges that affection for others is part of human nature. However, it also provides an important perspective: While these desires are natural, they must be approached with self-discipline and in alignment with divine guidance.
The Holy Prophet Muhammadsa emphasised that when individuals experience such emotions, it is essential to channel them in ways that protect one’s character and faith.
In one famous narration, the Holy Prophetsa said:
“When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half.” (Mishkat al-Masabih, Kitab an-nikah, Hadith 3096)
This highlights the importance of pursuing these feelings within the context of a committed relationship, ideally through marriage, which is the sacred framework in Islam for intimate and emotional bonds.
The role of responsibility and self-control
While attraction and affection are natural, Islam teaches that they should be expressed with maturity and responsibility. The Holy Prophet Muhammadsa advised:
“There is nothing like marriage, for two who love one another.” (Sunan Ibn Majah, Kitab an-nikah, Hadith 1847)
This guidance provides a clear message that emotional connections and commitment, when paired together are most beneficial. Young people should view romantic interests with the long-term goal of establishing a relationship that fosters respect, responsibility, and mutual care.
The Promised Messiahas emphasised on the dual nature of love which fosters a deeper relationship with Allah. He stated:
“The word insan (human) is derived from unsan , i.e.one who possesses two forms of love (uns) ; one love for God and the second for human beings. Being from the same species, since a person relates more to other humans, and seeing them, becomes instantly influenced by them, as such, remaining in the company of an exemplary individual and staying with a Truthful one grants a person such light by which they are able to behold God and be saved from sin.” (Malfuzat [English], 2024, Vol. 6, p. 59)
Essentially, this quote underscores the importance of not neglecting one love due to the other. In fact, when a person loves and surrounds themselves around the right types of people, their love of God also increases.
The emotional and psychological impact on young people
While feelings of affection can be beautiful, they can also cause distress if not approached with wisdom.
Research shows that for young people, particularly in their adolescent and early adult years, romantic relationships can significantly impact mental health.
Heartbreak, confusion, and emotional turmoil can all contribute to feelings of anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. A study published in Adolescence found that unreciprocated romantic feelings can lead to significant emotional distress, often impacting mental health long after the feelings have passed.
Moreover, with the rise of social media, young people are constantly exposed to idealised portrayals of relationships that may create unrealistic expectations. The pressure to fit into these moulds can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy or loneliness.
The challenge, then, is not simply to experience emotions but to do so in a way that protects one’s mental health and well-being.
Learning from the Prophets: A model of respect and dignity
The Holy Quran offers numerous stories of Prophets who exhibited strong moral character when dealing with human emotions. One such example is Prophet Musaas, whose story demonstrates the importance of respecting one’s emotions while also adhering to divine laws.
After fleeing from Egypt, Prophet Musaas arrived at a well in Midian, where he noticed two women who were unable to draw water due to the crowd. He helped them without seeking anything in return, and later, one of the women recommended him to her father for marriage. The Quran quotes her:
“O my father, hire him; for the best man that thou canst hire is the one who is strong and trustworthy.”(Surah al-Qasas, Ch.28: V.27)
This narrative highlights the key elements of respect, trust and responsibility in relationships. Prophet Musaas displayed emotional restraint and focus on his duties, which ultimately led to a virtuous and meaningful connection.
Practical steps for young people in navigating relationships
1. Guarding the heart: The Quran advises believers to guard their hearts against the distractions of the world by directing believing men to “restrain their eyes and guard their private parts” because “that is purer for them.” (Surah an-Nur, Ch.24: V.31)
Practising restraint and focusing on Allah can help young people stay grounded, protecting their hearts from unbalanced emotions.
2. Seeking divine guidance: For those struggling to make decisions in romantic matters, the prayer of istikharah is a valuable tool. It allows young people to seek Allah’s guidance and ensure their decisions align with His will.
3. Building relationships on character and piety: The Holy Prophet Muhammadsa taught that marriage should be based on righteousness and good character, not just physical attraction or superficial qualities. He said, “A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her family status, her beauty, and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman; otherwise, you will be a loser.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, Kitab an-nikah, Hadith 5090)
4. Involving families: In Islam, transparency in relationships is key. Engaging families early ensures that romantic interests are understood in a broader context and are more likely to develop in a responsible and permissible manner.
5. Trusting in Allah’s Plan: The Quran reminds us that Allah knows what is best for us:
“But it may be that you dislike a thing while it is good for you, and it may be that you like a thing while it is bad for you.” (Surah al-Baqarah, Ch.2: V.217)
If a relationship does not work out, it is important to trust in Allah’s wisdom, knowing that He has something better planned for us.
Having said that, it is important to remember that according to the Prophetsa: “Allah did not make anything lawful more abominable to Him than divorce.” (Sunan Abi Dawud, Kitab al-talaq, Hadith 2177)
Conclusion
Young people today face a complex landscape when it comes to relationships. While the feelings of affection and attraction are natural, Islam offers a clear framework for managing them responsibly and in accordance with divine guidance. By ensuring that these emotions are expressed with respect, maturity, and piety, young people can build relationships that are fulfilling, safe and conducive to mental and spiritual well-being.
At the same time, Islam protects the emotional health of young people by emphasising the importance of guarding one’s heart, seeking guidance from Allah, and prioritising character over external qualities.
By following this balanced approach, young people can navigate the challenges of relationships in a way that safeguards their dignity, mental health and faith.
May Allah guide all young hearts to build meaningful relationships that bring them closer to Him, amin!