Tahir Ahmad Machengo, Kenya Correspondent
On 2 January 2021, Lajna Imaillah Nairobi held an online tarbiyat jalsa in which Amatul Qayyum Sahiba, Secretary Tarbiyat Lajna Imaillah Kenya, delivered a lecture on the topic of equal treatment with daughters and daughters-in-law.
In her speech she said:
“As easy as this topic sounds, it is actually as difficult. A daughter is the delight of her parents’ eyes. They feel that their daughter is just a guest and will leave quite soon for their husband’s home, and they fulfil every wish of their daughters. The daughters have the freedom to do what they will. They are allowed to eat what they want, wear what they want, do what they want and so on.
“On the other hand, every action of a daughter-in-law is mostly checked and criticised. When a daughter wakes up late, the parents excuse her actions, ‘she was studying till late’; but if a daughter-in-law wakes late, they criticise ‘such terrible behavior instilled by her parents’. That is how the drifts start forming.
“A mother-in-law should think back to her own early days. When she first moved, she was scared and confused. How would she adapt to a new home; how she must be incredibly careful not to make any mistakes. If the mother-in-law remembers being treated poorly, she should strive not to be that way to her daughter-in-law. If she was treated well, then she should strive to give her own daughter-in-law similar treatment.
“A daughter only stays around two or so decades at her parents’ home and the rest of her life with her in-laws. Parents should teach their daughters kind heartedness, good manners, consideration, obedience and respect for others’ opinions so they can live a successful life. Through thick and thin, she will have the tarbiyat to survive.”
She continued by saying that Allah the Almighty has commanded us to be good to each other, throughout the Holy Quran and specifically in Surah al-Nisa:
“And worship Allah and associate naught with Him, and [show] kindness to parents, and to kindred, and orphans, and the needy, and to the neighbour that is a kinsman and the neighbour that is a stranger, and the companion by [your]side, and the wayfarer, and those whom your right hands possess. Surely, Allah loves not the proud and the boastful.” (Surah al-Nisa, Ch.4: V.37)
The secretary tarbiyat added that if they are not blood relatives, Allah the Almighty says they are your relatives by marriage, as in Surah al-Furqan, He states:
“And He it is Who has created man from water, and has made for him kindred by descent and kindred by marriage; and thy Lord is All-Powerful.’ (Surah al-Furqan, Ch.25: V.55)
She further stated that though in-laws are not equal to your blood relatives, nevertheless, they are still the family of your spouse and as such, deserve respect and care. We have to be good to in-laws without a doubt. Treat them with respect, with kindness. They are closer to us than our neighbours and our neighbours have been mentioned in the Quran with so many rights that the Holy Prophetsa said:
“Gabrielas kept recommending me to treat my neighbours well until I thought he would tell me to make them my heirs.” (Sahih al-Bukhari)
If a daughter-in-law treats her in-laws even at least as neighbours, then she has treated them justly, she added.
Then she shared advice from Hazrat Amma Janra to her daughter, Hazrat Nawab Mubaraka Begum Sahibara, on the occasion of her wedding:
“Do not think ill of anyone even if they commit ill deeds towards you. Wish everyone good tidings from the bottom of your heart. If someone is treating you poorly, let them; do not think of treating anyone poorly. And do not take revenge through your actions towards ill deeds done to you. Then you will receive Allah’s blessing.”
She shared some advice from the Promised Messiahas in which he stated that when a girl gets married, she receives two keys: one, to the door of forgiveness and another, to the door of quarrels. She can open any door when she needs to. The ones who open the door of forgiveness are the lucky ones.
Girls should obey their parents-in-law because after marriage, a girl’s relationship is deeper with her parents-in-law than her actual parents and as such should respect her in-laws always. This is the benefit of education, that a girl can prove herself obedient. Unfortunate are those girls who try split their husbands from their parents.
Amatul Qayyum Sahiba continued by saying that when a woman follows these guidelines, she will improve the lives of their daughters’ and daughters-in-law’s families. Every mother should teach her children to respect elders and to be kind to younger ones.
She said that women commonly say, “When I became a daughter-in-law, I got a bad mother-in-law and when I became a mother-in-law, I got a bad daughter-in-law.” Ahmadi women should be thinking that when they become daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law, they were blessed with the best mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, respectively.
We should follow the guidelines of the Holy Prophetsa, the Promised Messiahas and his Khulafa, to become good daughters, daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law to make our homes a paradise.
May Allah enable us to train ourselves and our children to bring peace in the world. Amin.