Ayezah Jehan, Germany
Recently I drove by a newly opened children’s cafe in my small town in Germany. My initial thought was how nice it is that parents and their children have a safe space where they can drink something warm and socialise with others.
But then another thought crossed my mind: What is wrong with normal cafes? Why do parents not feel comfortable in ordinary cafes? What is the need for exclusive child friendly cafes or child friendly spaces in general. Shouldn’t every space in society be child friendly?
The child-free dream
I am sure you’ve seen or heard about it before. Child-free weddings, child-free restaurants, child-free cafes, child-free hotels and so on. It seems as if many people prefer child-free spaces now and are ready to pay premium prices for that.
Why as a society have we become so “unfriendly”? Why do mothers nowadays especially feel the need to apologise simply for having children and carrying those children outside? Why do we as people see children as a burden? We were once children too, and no doubt loud and noisy at times. Why are we now so easily triggered by the presence and sound of children?
Declining birth rates and a minority
A potential reason for this might be the declining birth rate in almost all Western and industrialised countries. In 2024 South Korea had a birth rate of 0.75, the lowest in the world, with some experts even arguing it would be the first country to go extinct.
As children increasingly become a minority, as German sociologist Aladin El-Mafaalani describes in his book Kinder – Minderheit ohne Schutz (Children – A Minority Without Protection), they are also treated as such. Our aging society fails to address the rights and needs of younger people, especially children. This can potentially cause an immense crisis in the next future as it is these children that will inherit it.
A child-free schedule
Another reason is that parents and their children can be seen as a burden to our everyday tasks. The average day in modern society is planned around the normal 9 to 5 work hours. A child is seen as a disturbance from these work hours. A child can get sick, generally have a bad day and will in any case require constant attention, especially during the early years.
This is also why the concept of all-day school has become increasingly popular in Germany. In the past, school used to end at 1 pm whilst a normal workday ends at 5 pm. If you put your children into the all-day school, you can work a fulltime job instead of a part-time job. Especially for mothers who have trouble finding a carer to look after their children while going to work, this is seen as a huge relief.
Our routines have become very fast-paced, and our daily life is strictly time-bound. In such an environment, especially where both parents are working at their jobs all day, often neither parent takes time out of their busy schedule (or has the energy) to have meaningful conversations with their children and give them due attention. In the same manner, children might not have the energy after a long and demanding school day either, which is something children themselves can feel and sense as well.
“Every child needs at least one adult who is irrationally crazy about him or her”, said the renowned psychologist Urie Bonfenbrenner.
But are we as adults able to give our children enough time to be “irrationally crazy” about them? Often the problems of children are overlooked and downplayed. “You’re just a child, what do you know about the troubles of the real world?”, is something many children have heard before.
Whether intentionally or unintentionally, we do our best to exclude – rather even isolate – our children from our everyday life. If we keep excluding our children in this way, naturally society in general and policies will not focus on their needs and rights.
Often the term “inclusiveness” is focused on gender-based or race-based inclusion. Society and decision makers must also try to include age-based discrimination in their procedures. Children should not be seen as a burden but rather a hope for our future.
The Islamic perspective
Allah the Almighty says in the Holy Quran: “Kill not your children for fear of poverty. It is We Who provide for them and for you. Surely, the killing of them is a great sin.” (Surah Bani Isra’il, Ch.17: V.32)
This verse not only refers to killing children in the literal sense, rather according to one interpretation it refers to those who do not give proper education to their children and contribute to the latter’s moral and intellectual death. (Five Volume Commentary, Vol. 3, p. 1775)
Therefore, one does not have to “kill” their children in the literal sense to take their life away. Rather, also by neglecting their physical and moral needs, their future can also be destroyed.
Thus, if policy-makers neglect or even endanger the rights and needs of children, they are sinful. One should not just think selfishly about their own children but rather all children in society.
A relationship of trust
Nowadays, more so than ever it seems, children start asking deep and philosophical questions very early on. If parents fail to provide meaningful answers to these questions, these children start to search for answers outside of their homes, potentially at school or elsewhere. This is another factor why Ahmadi Muslim parents especially are responsible to never stop learning about their religion. It is so that they are able to answer such questions raised by their children and thus strengthen their faith.
In order for children to have the courage to ask their parents these meaningful questions, it is first and foremost the duty of the parents to establish a bond with their children based on trust and mutual respect.
Even if the child has troubles at school, if they have a strong bond with their family, they will not feel inferior and unworthy. Parents should also treat their children with due respect and attention according to their age and maturity whilst also preparing them for the future.
Child-friendly arrangements
Another way that the Ahmadiyya Muslim Community specifically tries to include children early on is by making sure that there are spaces for them and their parents.
For example, at the Jalsa Salana – the annual flagship event – organisers are always encouraged to make sure to keep their planning child friendly. On the ladies side, there is always a special marquee/hall for the youngest children, mothers are able to get warm milk for their newborns and even get a quiet place for breastfeeding. Once the kids reach a certain age, they are even encouraged to sit with the adults.
Similarly, when Hazrat Khalifatul Masihaa visits the Jalsa Gah on the ladies site on Saturdays, many fathers keep their children with them to make sure that the mothers and other female relatives can listen to Huzoor’saa words in a quieter and more attentive environment.
Thus, it is all about striking that balance which ensures children do not feel left out but rather included in the activities and day-to-day lives of their parents.
“Nations cannot be reformed without the reformation of the youth.”, as Hazrat Musleh-e-Maudra famously said. These words are not merely applicable to Majlis Khuddam-ul-Ahmadiyya, rather it is applicable to everyone. Parents especially should ponder over these words and always keep in mind that they are raising the next generation of the Jamaat.